Thursday, February 18, 2010

I figured it out!! Finally.

Sometimes a great (personal) revelation, can come from something so seemingly meaningless, it amazes me. But the thing is, when you allow yourself to be open, to be conscious and present, you realize that in some way, shape or form, the universe is always conversing with you - even if through other people, through symbols, signs etc. You just have to learn how listen.

I got off the Q today somewhere in Midtown. Yes, I'm currently in New York. I was on my way to see the Tim Burton Exhibit at the MOMA. Totally irrelevant I suppose but moving on, I crossed the street, itunes on shuffle and the song suddenly shifted to "Everything's Magic" - Angels & Airwaves. Again, could be irrelevant but I often walk with music blasting, not to drown out the noises of the city necessarily, but moreso to enable myself to "listen" to the city in other ways. So I'm crossing the street and I see 3 guys hanging on the corner. I can already predict what's coming. For those that don't know, NY guys are for the most part extremely aggressive, and try to talk to nearly any girl they find attractive walking down the street.

As I walk past, one motions to ask if I have a lighter, though I can hear nothing but Angels & Airwaves. I do, so I allow him to use it. I pull one headphone out so I can tell him it's a childproof one because he has trouble with it. Of course, his friends start with the "Damn mami, you're sexy etc etc" I say thank you and continue my walk towards the MOMA.

But it hit me like a ton of bricks. I know many, many men (some living in NY, though most elsewhere) who are intimidated by women. So afraid of rejection that they rarely outwardly express any interest. They allow their fear to control them, prevent them from going after what (or in this case, who) they want.

I've said New Yorkers have a hustler mentality - which is true. But to go even further, I believe that what's different about this city, is that in order to "survive" in any way, a person MUST grasp an opportunity the moment it presents itself, push aside any fears, any insecurities, and any doubt, and just go for it.
And if you get smacked down, so what. You pick yourself back up and try again, and again and again if necessary. However many times it takes to achieve whatever it is you desire. This is what is ingrained in New Yorkers.

But you don't have to live here to have that same mentality. Being frozen by fear, will get you nowhere in life. Instead a person must have utter belief and faith in oneself if they wish to fulfill their desires. Yes a very simple revelation, from a very random, seemingly meaningless interaction, but I felt compelled to write it down and share it.

PS- It's freezinggggg here! Thankfully I love the snow. :)


  1. In many ways I agree with what you said, but like with anything else in life, there's a balance that is necessary. It's true you could admire those guys for having the balls to say what they were thinking. But, at the same time, if they truly wanted to get your attention, then they could have communicated the same thoughts in a more respectful way. Chances are they would have been more likely to get a positive response out of you (or any other chick they "holler" at). Most of us girls, regardless of shape, size, ethnicity, etc., get that whistle and Mami BS and I'll tell you what...if the same guy approached me in a respectful way, attractive or not, I would be 10x more likely to actually LISTEN to him rather than just HEAR him--huge difference. I'm from the tri-state so I know how it all goes in NYC and anywhere else where aggressive people are bred. I totally get the mentality, I just believe that old-fashioned decent manners will get a guy much further with a girl than this gangster whistle crap. What do you think?

  2. @Glamour junkie - I don't believe the post was referencing on how men should approach ladies or catch our attention. I read it more metaphorically in we should be more aggressive in terms for reaching our dreams/goals and not let fear or rejection hold us back. That hustler mentality risa brought up.

    And I totally agree and liked the way you coincided it all together - some people are just too timid and we can't get what we want in life being passive all the time, gotta get aggressive... If you fail, whatever it can't stop you and gotta keep that hustle going.

  3. wow! thanks for this I need it to hear this

  4. I totally agree with you, Celly. I got the metaphor as well...I am just saying that we often ignore or get irritated by those kinds of shout outs but may not be if they weren't SO aggressive. I think being aggressive in life is different than trying to talk to a chick. Yes, they both take guts, but you have a lot more to lose if you screw up in life than if a girl/guy doesn't react to you hitting on them. Many of Risa's blogs are so on point with my life views as well and I am sorry if I misrepresented myself with the post. :]

  5. This is a beautiful and meaningful post. I found your blog through your youtube makeup account and I am very glad I did follow the link for I have been afraid of thinking about the future and even of starting to solve my problems for some goddamned reason and this post just hit me like a brick... So, I thank you very much and I must say - I am bookmarking this blog and subscribing to your awesome makeup youtube account as well ;)

  6. Thanks for your observations, it really gave me some food for thought. I'm well acquainted with "being frozen by fear," ever since leaving an abusive marriage years ago I pretty much abandoned my plans for my future. I really needed to hear this!