Sunday, January 10, 2010

Perception of Self

I'm definitely going to come back and continue my previous entry as it went somewhere completely different than I had intended however, I want to address the comments in this video.

I haven't read through them all yet but based on what I've read thusfar, 3 things seem to keep popping up.

1. Parents can be evil, cruel people...without even knowing it.
2. People can be evil, cruel people...some without knowing it, others fully "aware".
3. Our own minds (Ego) not can be, but IS the devil, fully conscious of it, though we are not.

Parents have good intentions. Unfortunately, by the time you are born, most have their own baggage they've been living with for years. Even if they provide you with all the basic necessities and then some that you need in order to survive in the world, the one lesson, I believe most don't teach, is one they haven't necessarily learned themselves. So how could they teach you?

I just posted a topic for discussion on my facebook page here. My last question is "What can YOU do to alter your perception of self? Do you believe you need to alter yourself to alter your perception?"

I'm not sure how deep to get with this topic because I don't want to turn anyone off but I will say this. People will always put others down. Whether it's based on appearance or something else. Age plays absolutely no factor in this. You may think "but kids! kids tend to be more cruel than adults. Even a 4 year old will call someone fat." Younger kids do not lie. They're merely observing and vocalizing what they see. Also, it's my belief that a child that young will only know the word "fat" or "ugly" because of hearing adults use it. Even if they say "Wow! That woman is big mom." - you may hear that and think "oh my god, kids don't lie" and feel bad about yourself (if of course, the statement is directed towards you) But here's the thing. YOU are the one SOLELY responsible for attaching a negative meaning onto the word. The kid may be right. They probably are. If they said it, you probably are big or fat. But who says that has to be a bad thing? Just let it be an adjective. Remove the negative meaning YOU have attached to it.

Parents, or more generally, adults, don't know everything. Their own insecurities have developed and been fostered for years. So don't allow their insecurities, or their perspective of the world to become your own. Yes, nearly all parents want what's "best" for you. But remember, their definition of "best" doesn't have to be the same as yours. They may have grown up in an era where the media portrayed "sexy" or good looking to be an overly thin body, and they bought into this idea. Allow them to have their opinions, but don't forget or feel bad about having your own that may not agree with theirs.

Also, I realize I'm only touching on physical appearance. This also applies with career, school, the way you dress, the way you talk, the way you think etc. Shira (sugarfreetv on youtube) touched on this awhile back but deleted the video. Why I don't know. But she touched on "ownership". "My" mother, "my" daughter etc Remember that no one owns you. And you own no one else. A boyfriend or girlfriend or wife or husband, mother or father etc is not your possession. Yes, until you reach a certain age, most are required to "respect" their parents wishes and abide by their rules. Understandable. But at the same time, if they want you be a doctor and you want to be an artist, do it. Be an artist. Be whatever YOU are passionate about. Speak however you want to speak. Wear whatever you want to wear. I could go on but this topic is veering off course a bit. You get my point. Hopefully.

People attack others verbally and emotionally because of their ego. Your ego is NOT you at your purest essence. A person's ego thrives on negtivity. It's a chain reaction. Someone says something mean or negative to you, and either you get emotional and/or cry, or you lash out in anger and say something back. Remember you do not own anyone else, nor are you ever responsible for anyone else's actions. Only your own. So learn to control your ego. That is what YOU can do. Learn to recognize it the second it happens. If you recognize it, you have an easier time controlling yourself. Negativity cannot be fueled without more negativity. So it's up to you to dismiss the comment and find your own inner confidence in yourself as a human being. The saying "kill 'em with kindness" - that's what they were getting at.

#3 - Our mind is the devil. The mind that you know as your mind - the obsessive one, that drives you to stress over the past or the future. That is your ego. The second you hear a little voice telling you that can't do something or telling you "that person was right, I am ugly. look at my *insert insecuritiy here*" - know that THAT is your ego.

Ever notice how when someone refers to someone as "egotistical" it's mentioned in a negative way? Well, as I said, the ego thrives off of negativity. There is a HUGE difference between cocky and confident. Cocky people are generally egotistical. Ruled by their ego. Needing to prove themselves to others and themselves. When you can reach a point where you are no longer under the rule of your ego, you can simply Be. There is no need, no desire to prove anything to anyone, including yourself. This comes when you accept yourself 100% right now, in this very moment. Yes you may have aspirations for the future, but there is no "I will be happy when..." Or "I'd be perfect if I was just 20 lbs skinnier" Learn to accept what is, with yourself and other people. When you start to hear that little negative voice, silence it. If you're outside, look up at the sky or at a tree or whatever kind of nature is around you and focus your attention on that. Are there birds? What color is the tree? What shade of blue is the sky? What do the coulds look like? I bet, it will take your attention away and make you forget the negative thoughts. if you're inside, light a candle and study the flame, the way it flickers, how high it is, just watch it and focus on that. Or focus on your breathing. Close your eyes and imagine what your body looks like on the inside as you inhale and exhale. Yes it's a form of medatation, but I'm willing to be it will center you.

Every time negativity comes to you, whether it's your own mind, or someone saying something to you, recognize it for what it is. Then, allow it to wash over you and disappear. Don't internalize it. Remember, you can only control yourself. And yourself is NOT your ego. Destroy who you have been told you are. This video i recorded awhile back somewhat relates:

I have to run but I may add more to this tonight. Normally I reread what I write before I post it, but I'm not doing so with this so my apologies if there are any typos or this doesn't make sense - my brain is all over the place at most times! :)


  1. I love it when you write about things like this. I think about this stuff all the time but I never write about it in a public place. I might be scared to, but mostly I just don't. I like hearing what others think about these things.

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  3. I read Paulo Coelho in newspapers but is so sweet that I become lazy reading things like that. I can't understand those people that say they found themselves afer travelling because I know exactly where I do come from and when I travel I want to find the world not me. Anyway I like your idea about changing the point of view then I turn round and...oh! here again!

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  6. This idea of myself is so catchy that I can't unstick it. I need "The Call Of The Wild" (Jack London).